Toilets
THIS NEXT PAGE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED
But you need to know the facts and how to cope with for this as you may be out of the comfort of your own home for 4 days!
There are 3 main places that can be used as a toilet
The portaloo.
These are usually situated all over the festival site, around the edge of the festival fields and in the camping area. Under normal circumstances you would avoid these, but needs must be met so you will find yourself in a portaloo at least once in the weekend. The experience is rather like using the toilets at a French municipal campsite and that was acceptable in the 80's (C Harris 2008). You need to be desperate, have a strong stomach and avert your gaze at all times. Again this is the result of a small town's population invading a few hundred facilities.
So how do you get the most reasonable experience from these. Look for the tractor and the slurry pump (a large cylinder on a trailer). The job of these guys is to empty the slurry tanks under the portaloos. As these toilets can't be used when they are being pumped empty, this is when a team of unfortunates descend upon them and do the worst possible job in the world - clean the toilets. For about 5 - 10 minutes these toilets are fairly usuable.
This is a good place to use your medicated babywipes and sandwich bag.
Another tip is when the arena sites are opened each morning around 11.30am. There is a mad rush to get to front of the stages. There is also a smaller rush that heads for the pristine toilets. This is my time.
As the day progresses, the arena toilets get worse, the queues get longer, so timing can be an issue. Allow 40 minutes queueing time during a performance. Don't rush after the end of a show and expect to use the toilet straight away. The odds are therefore stacked against female festival goers getting to see full performances.
The urinal
Until recently, this was the exclusive domain of the male. The urinals usually make up the centre aisle and are surrounded by portaloos. Although the throughput of users is quick, there is no privacy. This must be frustrating sight for the female festival goer, as can see the male being able to get their relief whilst they have been waiting half an hour and there are still 50 people ahead of them in the line. I also try to avoid eye contact with fellow users stood opposite me.
However, this not an exclusive realm any more. The invention of the Shewee (Trademark) has allowed the female to use the urinal. It is a plastic device that allows females to stand and use the urinal. They retail at around £7 and I have been assured that they are a worthy investment.
Au Naturale
Desperation leads to desperate measures. It is OK for the male to use walls, bushes and hedges. The Shewee allows the female to adopt the same the pose. But what if you a female without a Shewee, what do you do? The answer is a cagoule. This can be used for private squatting. If you haven't got a cagoule but you do have a waterproof coat then a partner or friend can use this to provide a screen. This gives some privacy despite loosing some dignity. But hey-ho deperate times, desperate measures!
